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Greg Gutfeld of Red Eye Book Tour 2012: The Joy of Hate

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The Greg Gutfeld Book Tour: The Joy of Hate

Dear Greg Gutfeld, I am sorry to have greeted you as “Bill O’Reilly” at your recent “The Joy of Hate” book signing. I just wanted to see if a mere mortal, a mere plebeian could get a “Comic Genius” like you to crack-up during a solemn ceremony like a book signing. Thank you for laughing!

My name is Coach Quit, aptly titled because I teach people to quit smoking, with video no less. I created a wildly fantastic way to quit smoking that is truly unique and works for even the biggest cry baby smokers, who complain…”I smoke because I just can’t quit“. People like Bob Beckel are weak and have “excuses for everything“….wait, haven’t I heard Bob Beckel say those EXACT WORDS about the Right? Like constantly, when he can’t think of anything else? Well this last link was to Face Book, I made a friend request, and the page “IGNORED ME”!!! Bob? Come on man, FB is to increase your friends circle, so that when YOU write a book like Greg Gutfeld did  “The Joy of Hate” you will have more to say than your personal joy of hating no book sales. After all, having friends makes book selling easier. Just ask Greg Gutfeld, look at all these people that are lining up to buy his books in a little place called Plano Texas.

 

Greg_Gutfeld_book_tourOne of Five Rows of Greg Gutfeld Book Fans

 

Oh, and Bob I actually gave Greg Gutfeld an “un” autographed copy of my first try at creating a Coach Quit DVD using my fantastic system of quitting smoking to give to you buddy! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or whatever, I know the presentation is weak, but the ideas are killer.

A word to Bob Beckel, don’t take any of this the wrong way Bob, we love you and know you add “certain dimensions” to this show, that without you, it simply would not have. So your guest appearances are quite welcome.

Greg Gutfeld tantalized his audiences by making a schedule that Air Force One couldn’t keep. I mean look at this tour schedule on the Greg Gutfeld site. Just find the words book tour while the tour is going on. I suppose that would be removed after the tour finishes, so I am thoughtfully NOT putting a link like this http://ggutfeld.com/tour in the link, otherwise, years later when Aliens reclaim this planet and dig down and find Greg’s site, they will NOT be mysteriously transported to an unexpected 404 page. This is totally unacceptable to Greg. Check this video for the “Female Greg Gutfeld” who just might BE an alien!

But NOTE TO GREG! What are you thinking? Every stop was 2 and a half hours apart. Dude, you are in Texas! If you are in New York City, you probably can make it to another state easily in 2 and a half hours. Dashcam from Greg Gutfeld Texas Book Tour

Greg_Gutfeld_Dash_CamAt This Point Greg Was Tweeting us, “Almost There”!!!

But I am sorry Greg, the guy next to me in line “Allen” at Barnes and Noble on 15th street in Plano TX was seriously tweeting you. We had hundreds of fun loving book buyers, and autograph stalkers lined up, (as you can see in the first pic), awaiting your every tweet-back to us! It was like stalking Big Foot! But don’t worry, we kept everyone entertained. There were a lot of stories about Dana Perino! Everyone likes her, in case you weren’t sure. I showed endless videos of “The Man ” in the street. AKA Bill Schulz. Btw Bill? Can you change your name to something a little easier to spell? Like maybe Bill O’Reilly or something that people are familiar with? Oh, wait, that reminds me, Greg, I asked like 15 people outside of the Barnes and Noble if they heard of you. The answer was always, “Who”? So listen, we gotta build you a little before we run you for congress or something. Just Sayen!

Oh yes, we had bruises and people getting gangrene from the two hour standing wait, but it was totally worth it Greg! We loved the tweets that you gave us like  “almost ready to leave Garland” That was a classic! Even though you were already late to our little shindig at the next tour stop. And it was mouth watering for us as a group to hear, that well, you were gonna stop on the way over to grab a quick steak! I was going to ask you to make mine well done, but the tweet back said, you were on the John. We weren’t sure as a group if this was an actual statement, or actually “on a co-producer” or something. we would have forgiven you though, we know (being on the road again) takes it’s toll in many ways on the human soul.

The bus you used for the Joy of Hate Tour was magnificent! I snatched a quick picture for all your homies and stalkers to see. I truly hope you sell enough books to cover the payments Greg. Renting is always an option, and I think Willy Nelsons bus was open for hire. I  think he wants payment in something  green, but he refuses to take USD.

Bill Schulz is So Dang Funny

Readers, if you do not know who Bill Schulz is you absolutely must tune in to the Red Eye show late at night on Fox. Last I heard it was 3 am Eastern. Whatever you do find this show, because Bill Schulz is both so unassuming and hysterically “off the wall” he truly defies description. When he is posed a question on Red Eye, you absolutely never can guess what he is going to say, or from what point of view he will answer it from, but it is always hilarious!

Watch Bill Schulz get his smoke on, this is hilarious!  Here is absolute PROOF that Bill Schulz is the best “reporter on the street” that has ever existed!  Step back Dan Rather, Bill Schulz is da Man! This “My Little Pony Festival” is da Bomb!!! Time to go buy The Joy of Hate !

New Years Resolution Time

New Years Resolution Time

 

30 Day No Failure Quit Smoking System $14.97

 

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